The Downs and Up of Stella’s Birthday Party

The Supergirl is officially 5 years old. She has been 5 since the end of April. It is very important for Stella to be 5. She told me that she is finally the same age as her class mates. Being 5 is important in playground politics. While she thought that she had caught up with the others, I refrained from telling her that most children in her class are likely to turn 6 later in the year. In fact, a few had already turned 6! Children can be cruel. Many learn early on how to spot differences or ‘weaknesses’ to use as excuses when the need arises to exclude or bully someone.

After attending a few birthday parties earlier this year, Stella’s mum toyed with the idea of ‘outsourcing’ Stella’s 5th birthday party. Stella’s mum wanted a party with pony rides but Stella (almost half-heartedly) wished for a fairy to visit her party. I still wonder why she picked the fairy. Fairies seem to play a big part in many childhoods but Stella has never been really fond of them. After making phone enquiries and discussing the matter as a family, they all decided to throw another arts and crafts theme party just like when Stella turned 3 and 4, except that the guest list was different this time. Most of the foods were ‘outsourced’ because Stella’s mum had to entertain the children and lead the activities. Unlike most fathers (I know) who mysteriously have to work on the day of the party, Stella’s dad was in charge of drinks for both the adults and the kids. A family friend made the party food and the cake was specially ordered from a bakery. The family friend made most of the party foods for the previous two years as well. The lady made them from her home to bring in more income. Where was the nanny? I didn’t attend the party. I never play a part in almost all of my charges’ parties. Such gatherings are a time for the children to interact with their parents and guests.

In the years of looking after children from ‘better off’ families, I have observed the extent that parents will go to throw a party to outdo a previous party they have attended. It is like the Olympics. The children that attended Stella’s party this year were her classmates plus Bree, Lachlan and another little family friend. Like her, they must have attended quite a few wonderfully expensive parties since entering the world only just a few years ago. Despite being the tender ages of 5 or 6, the ‘partygoers with experience’ were capable of rating parties out loud. While we should all take pride in children who speak confidently in public, it is quite unacceptable when they speak rudely. Adults who are not such children’s carers have to bite their tongue and pray that the carers (e.g. parents) will handle the matter when they have the privacy to do so. It is quite shocking though that many adults just let this sort of behaviour go on; ignoring what was happening and hoping that it will go away without offering any form of guidance ASAP. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not calling for carers to smack or scold offending children right away.

Seeing that I am getting side-tracked as usual, I better get back to the negative side of Stella’s party. Among the children that attended the party, 5 were unsatisfied. 4 of the 5 usually play as a group at school. The 4 girls are like the ‘Pink Ladies’ in the class. The other girl was Bobby. I have mentioned this Bobby in another post. The ‘Pink Ladies’ were supervised only by one mum (parent of one of the 4 girls). Although I wasn’t there, they were what I would have considered to be ‘girly girls’. They were being difficult right from the beginning. As soon as one found out that there won’t be any shows (because no entertainers were hired), they began to talk non-stop about parties they have attended recently. Stella’s dad noticed how they spoke to Stella in a condescending way and I can tell everyone now that he was quite troubled. The ‘Passing Parcel’ game was my idea only because they had invited younger guests like Bree and the other little boy. Lachlan didn’t stay for long because he wasn’t too well. Half way through the ‘Passing Parcel’ game, one of the ‘Pink Ladies’ stood up in a jealous fit and told Stella, “You will get the big toy at the end because you are the birthday girl. It is not fair!” With that she walked off and flatly refused to re-join the ‘baby game’. Stella’s dad told me he was fuming and made sure that his employee’s little boy got to unwrap the last pressie and not Stella. LOL.

With the help of a couple of parents, Stella’s mum led the activity to make finger puppets using felt pieces. The pieces were pre-cut to make it simple for the children to assemble. The idea was to reduce frustration but it didn’t help when some children decided to increase the adults’ frustration levels. Bobby was happy to join in when invited to the activity but before long she had decided against the idea. She interrupted the children when they tried to listen to the instructions, reminding them that “This is not school. This is a party” over and over again. Someone told her that it was OK if she didn’t want to participate and offered her some ‘Monsters Jelly’. Instead of taking up the offer, I was told that she replied, “Nah, I can do what I want.” Then she went over to the ‘Pink Ladies’ who were working quite cooperatively and successfully got them to her side. Together they joined forces and declared that they didn’t need help from adults and will do ‘Whatever’.

Not all was bad at Stella’s birthday party. She had the opportunity to strengthen her emerging friendships with three children. The group only discovered each other towards the end of first term. Today, the four play together everyday. The parents also arrange play dates for the four to get together at each others’ homes regularly. It is wonderful that the parents themselves also get along well. The children are polite and inventive. Stella’s parents talk positively of them. When it comes to Stella’s school experience so far, she is happiest when telling me about these friends. I am truly happy for her. Let’s hope that her parents do not make any hasty decisions by pulling her out of the school at the end of this semester. Just as I will blog more about these 4 little friends on another day, I will also blog more about the dissatisfaction of Stella’s parents over her schooling later.