Drama Queen?

Bree has been an easy baby to look after. I really shouldn’t call her a baby anymore. She will turn two soon. Her mum has been reading up on what to expect when Bree becomes a toddler. She talked about her observations of the children of her friends and I can feel that she is bracing herself for the worst. I don’t share the same worries. In fact, I am pretty confident that Bree will not be a difficult toddler. There would have been signs of it by now if she is set to become a little terror. Being the first born/only child, Bree has had less exposure to undesirable behaviours and this may delay the emergence of those horrible tantrums. The intensity also depends on her personality and her relationship with the people close to her, and her immediate environment. So far, she has been a pretty content little person.

Bree’s mum told me about their weekend when I got to work on Monday. They took her to a friend’s birthday party on Saturday. Most of the children who attended the BBQ were under 6. Apparently Bree preferred to play on her own or watch the children from the side. She was very fascinated by the huge assortment of toys at the house. There was another toddler who was about a year older than Bree and she was the kind of toddler that Bree’s mum can’t tolerate. I was told that the toddler didn’t do as she was told and would wail and scream at any little thing that didn’t go her way. Bree’s mum told me that she is reading and learning as quickly as possible about toddlers because she fears that Bree might turn out like that as well. I do not know the other child and it is not fair for me to comment on her behaviours. There could be a number of reasons as to why she carried on the way she did at the party.

Bree’s mum then told me what happened on Sunday. While having a conversation with Bree’s dad, she was also watching Bree playing nearby and observed the following animated episode starring Bree. Not realising that her mum was still watching her, Bree plonked herself down on the floor, kicked her legs about and then whined, “I don’t want to. I don’t want to. No!” Bree’s mum didn’t know what to make of it at first. Bree continued with her performance. She repeatedly said no, trying out different voices. Bree’s dad found this so amusing that he wanted to get his camera. When she turned around and saw both her parents watching her, she stood up smiling and did a little dance before walking to her dad to ask for a cuddle. Bree’s mum instantly thought that her precious little baby had turned into a rebel overnight. She said she searched her head thoroughly because the scene was familiar. Bree’s dad had more sense. He reminded her of the little girl at the party. So, it turned out that Bree was just re-enacting what she saw the day before. That actually made her mum more worried. She told me that Bree could be practising. I can understand why this caring mum is panicking. She is a first time mum and she may be feeling a lack of confidence in handling a kicking and screaming toddler. Many parents fears that they may loose control of their children.

In my opinion, Bree could be practising what she saw. I have seen this happening to another child as well. However, acting out something she saw does not necessary mean that Bree will start applying it in real life. I prefer to continue observing Bree and see that her immediate needs are met. By meeting her needs, showing her ways to communicate her feelings each day and develop skills to become more independent, we can lessen a toddler’s frustration. Being a toddler is a frustrating role. A toddler is not quite a small child, nor is she a baby. She yearns to be a child and yet she needs to be able to return to the safety of being a baby when she needs to. The sense of order is also very acute around this age and any unexpected changes (in the environment or daily routines) can affect the child’s tolerance tremendously. I have been requested to be firm with Bree even though she has not been misbehaving so far. The word ‘firm’ has a different meaning to different people. I certainly do not wish to start punishing the child for minor reasons or introduce a naughty chair/corner. That is just not my style! It is better to encourage the child to experiment and to learn to cooperate through various activities in a safe and secure setting, and to continue demonstrating and modelling appropriate behaviours. I truly believe that the child will reciprocate the same if we treat her with respect and care. This does not mean that I will ignore bad behaviours and let Bree get away with murder. There really is no issue at the moment. With my fingers crossed, I dare to say that not all children go through a stormy toddlerhood. All I want now is to maintain the bond and trust we have developed between us.