Stella Didn’t Want A Nanny

Stella is a wonderful little girl (I say that a lot). She loves making things, cooking and going to the park with me. She likes to be read to and is always asking if I have anything in my bag for us to work together. Lately, she even took to calling me on the phone to remind me to bring a certain item. However, looking after Stella was not rosy from the start.

I have to honestly declare that at first, Stella really didn’t like me at all. She was extremely angry to have to be left with me and didn’t even speak to me for more than a month! She would always do as she was told, but would also spend the rest of the time doing her own thing, often ignoring me. She spoke only via her mum when she came home at the end of the day. Unlike other clingy children, Stella doesn’t cry much and she didn’t really react to situations like her peers would have by throwing tantrums. The experience was just different. She cried a little for her mum in the first week but on a few other occasions Stella cried only when she was taken by surprise, like the time when she fell off the swing accidentally. Despite falling on a soft landing, it seemed that she was more upset that it had happened so suddenly and unexpectedly.

So how did I as a nanny turn this situation around? I tried to engage her as much as I possibly could from day one. I didn’t see her as bad. She was just dealing with the situation her way and which was probably the only way that she knew how to deal with things at the time. I tried hard to show interest in her life and environment. I invited her to play games, read her books and asked her to show me her toys. I continued to talk to her and gradually the communication between us happened. At first, she would show me how a particular toy of hers worked. I would do most of the talking. Because I only looked after her for only a couple of days a week, I had to show her how our relationship continued even when I was not there. I tried to take a particular interest in what she had done on days when I wasn’t there. In our ‘one way’ conversations, I would also mention the things that we had done together. Then the silence eventually gave way to nods, gestures, more smiles and laughter.

About a month or so after I started, Stella discarded her temporary ‘shell’ and began to greet me when I arrived (without being prompted by anyone) and spoke to me in sentences. I mean very long sentences. This little girl is very advanced in her language use. I was very happy, her parents were even happier and I celebrated that by introducing my ‘life’ to her. This means that on the days that I worked, I would arrive with a carefully selected activity pack in my backpack for us to work on together. She always looked forward to it eagerly.

Stella turned 3 (in April) a few months after I started. She was finally allowed to start attending kindergarten. Most of the children in her class started at the beginning of the year and a couple of other children started just a few weeks before her. Stella was the youngest in her class and still is. By that time, I was really beginning to enjoy working with this intelligent little girl. Her parents arranged for her to attend the kindergarten for 3 sessions of 2 hour blocks per week before Stella officially started. I had to be with her because she was still considered as being ‘underage’. To my surprise, Stella put on her ‘shell’ again. She didn’t cling to me and she didn’t cry much. She didn’t speak to the other children and was rather frosty towards the teachers, including the super friendly specialist music teacher. This time she kept this up for nearly a term. She was however very intrigued by the amount of activities available for her to use and was expecting me to join her in almost every one of them. The adults (teachers and a few parents) who overheard our conversations came to tell me how well spoken she was. They told her parents as well. The teachers were wonderfully patient. They gave her the time to develop and just like my own experiences with this little girl, Stella discarded her shell about two weeks before the term break. Today, Stella is still the youngest in her group but does not let her young age fool anyone. She is considered very mature and a compassionate leader in the making. She participates well in circle time discussions, plays well with both boys and girls, and exhibits a warm and friendly side by welcoming and ‘taking care’ of the new girl in the class this term.