Adoption: No Return Policy

I wondered how many more articles inside Monday’s Herald Sun will shock me. First, there was the news about 4 teens who incinerated in their car on the front page. Then when I got to page 23, I read an article stating that children cared for at home by nannies and grandparents throw more tantrums than kids in childcare centres. I was fuming when I finished with that and turned a page to find another shock.

The headline read: “Parents return unwanted girl, 7”. A senior European diplomat and his wife had given up the 7 year old Korean girl they adopted as a baby. The diplomat used to work in Korea and the two adopted the then 4 month old there. They are now based in Hong Kong and the wife has since produced two biological children of their own. The poor child was handed over to social workers in Hong Kong because the adoption didn’t work out. This is like returning an expensive outfit bought last summer because it is no longer flattering this summer.

This little girl speaks English and Cantonese but not Korean. She is now under the care of an expatriate foster family. Apparently, the members of Hong Kong’s Korean community are offering help. I hope they will find her a stable home soon. It must be damaging to subject a child to such turmoil. As for her adoptive parents, I hope they realize one day the damage they have done. Why O’ why are people like these blessed with little bundles of joy?

This is not the first time that I have heard of incidents like this. Way back in the late 80’s when I was still a self centred teenager, a new family moved into our street. My parents got to know them well. They migrated to Australia from Malaysia. The dad was a GP but never worked as one over here while the mum was a secretary. They had two boys. I learned from my parents recently that the couple left another child behind when they migrated. The then teenage girl was never included in the migration application procedure because there was never any proper paperwork for the adoption. They never treated her as their own child either. She was simply there to offer the GP’s wife company before the boys’ birth in 83 and 86. She wasn’t dumped on the street though. She was sent to live with the GP’s parents.

I also watched a documentary on Pay-TV about a little boy who was also ‘returned’ by his adoptive parents. The little Indonesian boy was also adopted by expatriates. I think the dad was Irish and the mum was either Eastern European or Russian. They adopted him as a baby when they were based in Indonesia. The wife already had a daughter from a previous relationship. When the couple left the country and finally conceived their own child, the little Indonesian boy was no longer wanted. The adoptive dad took him back to Indonesia and left him at an orphanage with a bag of toys. Eventually, his birth mum was tracked down. It turned out that the adoption was never legal. It was some kind of a scam. Luckily, this story has a positive ending. His mum took him home and from what I remembered, the authorities from the birth country of his adoptive father agreed to look out for him in some ways. Sorry, I can’t remember the exact details.

Not all adopted children end up with lousy families but the decision to adopt should never be made hastily without proper considerations. Some people complained that authorities or adoption agencies make them jump through hoops to get a child but I do agree with experts that they have to be careful when screening prospective parents. Children up for adoption have already experience the trauma of losing their biological families. They shouldn’t have to go through another potentially unstable situation. Children, biological or adopted, are not fashion accessories that make you look good in photos during social gatherings. They are the future and we should make sure that they grow up well adjusted, educated and cared for. Hopefully, a secure childhood will ensure that they too will grow up to be splendid parents themselves one day.